Meeting 2

Last week I was back at the psycologist. He didn't believe I could have Asperger. For the only reason that I dont talk monotony.. And he felt he got contact with me. Weird.. both my sisters says. Neither of their kids talks weird, neither of them are hard to get contact with. If you talk monotony and is hard to get contact with, you most likely have a really really severe case of Autism.. Asperger is an autism, but a higly functional one.
So next meeting I will bring my oldest sister. It will be on thursday.

The Asperger

This is my suspicion. I did a selftest, a big and rather good one. It came out a bit.. suprising. According to that one its very likely I have this. 3 of my sisters kids also have this. 2 have the diagnosis, 1 is on the way. But there are more, my onkel, his son etc. Wich makes it ofc even higher "risc" that I also can have it.
Talking to my sister she said she had already had the thought. Since she is living with one that has the diagnosis, she has seen alot of that in me.
So on thursday.. when I go to the psycologist, I will bring the testresults and see what he says.

Talking to my fiancee, we both agree that so much fits together knowing more about the syndrome. All my other problems.. is also going hand in hand with the AS. (aspergers syndrome)
We are more prone to get social phobia, panic attacks, depressions, belly problems, sleeping disturbings. You name it..
Someone said that my sleepingpattern looked very much like someone being burned out. Even that is also very usually to get when you have AS.. I might just be psycically burned out.. from all I have gone through, from all the years I've been ill and not knowing what was wrong.. feeling I was weird and not like everyone else.

Want to read more?
http://http//en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome

Sleeplab

I was at the sleeplab for 2 days to check why I sleep so much. Usually I sleep up to 13 hours per night. And Im still not rested. I can even continue sleeping more during the day.

Normally it should look like this:

Mine looked like this:

I have a very disturbed curve so to speak. We dont know why just yet.
You should have 3-4 rem-periods, where you dream. (marked in red) I have two.. small.

Something also wakes me up every 20 min more or less. I go from deepsleep up to awake. (Not noticing ofc.)
But I do have my suspiciouns now.. After reading alot and talking to others.

Friends..

I often feel alone. I do have my fiancee and my cats and my family. But friends? Sure I know alot of people.. but there are so few that I can call friends. Dont think I even have any close friends anymore. When I was young I had several close friends and a bunch of normal friends. I was never alone..
Is this part of growing up? Or is it me?
I notice I have a hard time to keep friends. Even if I feel alone and would do anything to feel apriciated and loved by others.. I fear them. Im scared that they will think bad of me. that they will think Im weird and not worth the effort. So I drag myself away from them.. And then I sit there alone.. wishing I wasnt.